Conscious creation, intention setting, goal setting. I’m sure you have all heard about at least one of these modalities for calling-in what you want to your life; for manifesting your desires. 

Writing out what you do want and what you do not want is very powerful. It helps you get really clear and it plants seeds into your unconscious and conscious mind.

Plus, it can be tempting to want to expect that desires (such as a loving relationship) will ‘just happen’ and it definitely can of course.  But if you put in some work, you can help ensure that when it does ‘just happen’, it’s happening in a way that is aligned with your deepest and truest desires. It also helps to put you in the driver’s sear by demanding and attuning to the reality you want to create, rather than simply leaving it all up to ‘fate’.

The clearer you get and the more seeds you plant, the stronger the ability for your desire to become manifest.

I’m going to tell you about my experience with how I attracted my ideal partner and relationship by writing out what I wanted and did not want.

Let me backpedal for a minute. We have ALL had less-than-desirable relationships. Ones that didn’t fit; either we were trying too hard, or the other person tried too hard, or premature sex threw-off the flow, or it was simply not a match due to incongruencies. For a while, I thought these relationships were failures on my part, but really they were just teaching me what I didn’t want which could lead me closer to what I do want in a partner.

What you desire and what you reject is developed through contrast in real life human experiences.

Such as being with men not ‘good’ for you, being with women who have different lifestyles than you, and so forth. This is a good thing, because if you never had contrast you could never piece together your ultimate and ideal partner and relationship.

Once you have had enough contrast, you will notice that you have enough information to form your ideal experience. This is when it’s time to use writing to purposefully create and attract your ideal partner and relationship by writing out what you want and do not want.

List #1: Characteristics of a Partner That You Desire

Literally, write-out the specific characteristics, you need your partner to have.

My experience in doing this is one of the of the most profound experiences of my life.  In November 2017, I took out my journal- it was the very first page of my new journal. I made list #1: Characteristics of a partner I desire.

List #2: Red Flags

Think through every red flag that would indicate a HARD STOP if you were to come across them when dating someone. Get specific and be honest with yourself. And if a red flag comes up in the future, do not sabotage yourself and your desires by overlooking it! A red flag is a red flag for a reason.

Here is my list of red flags:

Write Out Your Declaration to Finding Your Partner

Writing out a declaration pronounces your commitment to working towards being in your dream partnership. Then, read it out loud to pronounce your conviction about your declaration.

The following was my personal declaration:

“I am committed to attracting my partner, soulmate and true love. My match on this earth in this lifetime. I call him into my world. I am ready to begin the ultimate adventure with him and he is ready for me.”

List #3: Characteristics of a Relationship You Desire

Just like you did with the partner characteristics, write out the specific characteristics that you want your relationship to have.

*Characteristics of a Relationship* I desired:

Re-Visit and Re-Read the List

I re-visited these lists every day for a few days, then weekly, and then as-needed and then as I remembered to. I eventually stopped visiting the lists because I no longer needed to keep it in the forefront of my mind; I had planted the seeds in my subconscious. I was truly committed and aligned to what I wrote and didn’t feel the need to drill it into my being anymore.

In July of 2018, I started dating my man. Things were flowing and it felt amazing and way different than anything ever before. A month or so in, I re-visited my lists of characteristics, and he hit practically every single one. I didn’t visit in in a way where I needed to size him up in comparison with the list and check the boxes, I just wanted to see how it played out. Not to my surprise but to my contentment, he meshed with pretty much everything; at least 97% of it, but especially all of the important things.

There is no doubt in my mind that the contrast in previous relationships and dating coupled with my physical act of writing out my desired characteristics is what enabled me to attract my ideal partner and relationship. Otherwise, who knows how long I would have flailed about if I didn’t get serious about getting specific and not deviating from my musts.

Something to note: Some of you may be thinking up some excuses as to why this won’t work or why you wouldn’t want to do it. At a recent mastermind meeting I was leading, I brought this up to someone who had gotten out of a relationship that he thought was going well, but discovered they were just incompatible and the girl just couldn’t provide what he wanted. I recommended he take his experience with the contrast and write out his list of characteristics he desires so he can get clear on what he wants and attract the appropriate person. He told me it felt “too mechanical”.

‘Too mechanical’ and every other excuse we have about doing things that can work are simply excuses.

You have to decide what is more important to you: Getting clear on your desires in a partner and relationship so you can eventually have it, or saying an exercise like this is ‘too mechanical’ and making it harder on yourself to bring into your life what you really want. These things work, and if they are be it.

Avoid Defining Interests: Interests Are Vanity, Values Are Sanity

Another note: You may notice my list doesn’t have many interests on it; like music interests, food interests, movie interests, business interests, etc. It was more about how I wanted to be treated, how I wanted to feel, and how I wanted the relationship to feel.

We often put too much emphasis on similar interests equaling compatibility. (See My blog about this…) Instead, try to focus on how you want to be treated, how you want to feel, how you would like the relationship to feel, and non-negotiables when it comes to lifestyle.

I really hope this helps you get clear on what you desire and do not desire in a partner and a relationship so that you can attract the man or woman of your dreams! It is possible and almost guaranteed if you get clear, do the work on yourself, get worthy, and remind yourself over and over again of what you are committed to creating and attracting.

The cool thing is this exercise can be applied to anything in your life! I recently developed a list of the ‘characteristics of a business that I desire’ since my 20s have given me so much contrast about what I like/dislike and am great/not so great at when it comes to business.

Now, go get creating!